Bucket Bros: The Carpenters of Comedy

Which Cocky, Crowd-Pleasing WWE Superstar Is The Next "The Rock"?

By Bucket Bros | 2007-11-07

The Rock

Although he will always be The People's Champion, Dwayne "Rocky 'The Rock' Maivia" Johnson hasn't wrestled in years.

The Rock has set his tights on Hollywood, starring in every football movie ever, going so far as to time-travel back to star in the original Whole Nine Yards.

A void has been left in Rocky's wake. What will the World Wrestling Entertainment do without The People's Eyebrow? Which wrestler WWE Superstar should fans turn to next?

One of these six crazy bastards!

Zeus' List of Probable Rocks

Mr. Ken Kennedy (Kennedy): The Rock has a history in college football, and Ken Kennedy acts like a football coach, pacing around with his gut hanging over his pants, jawing until he's red in the face. (Even though I get the feeling Kennedy's the kind of guy who spent his college years leaning out his dorm room window, growling at "NERDS!"

Ken Kennedy even has a built-in catch phrase: He says his name twice. Twice!

Ken Kennedy
John Morrison: Though technically more of a new Chris Jericho, John Morrison has what it takes to become a true champion. Why? He's acts like a baghole, so before you know it, girls will love him and guys will chant along with his catch phrases, and then John Morrison will start talking about "pie" and "strudels" and I'll never want to touch a doughnut again. John
Santino Marella:
"I'm gonna whip out a can of ass cream so big, and I'm going to spray it on your head, and that is the bottom lines."
-- Santino Marella, 2007-10-22 RAW.

I win.


Mars' List of Probable Rocks

Randy Orton: Like the rock he's third generation, has thick thighs and sasses his way into the main event circut taking out fan favorites along the way. Can you smell what Orton's cooking? i thought so. Plus he's the champ, and a firm hold on championship gold never made a rockpertunity mold. Randy Orton
Matt Hardy: Rules smackdown with an iron fist. talks funny. has sideburns. Wont you? Matt Hardy
MVP: Mvp is the most valuable player in the game today, which is why he gets paid bank. He doesn't sleep on a bed made out of money for no reason, he lies in that money bed because he made it out of solid wrestling manuevers sassy sports analogies and being that sort of mocha color everyone can agree on. This guys feuding with Matt and one of the two will probably come out as the rock 2.0 case rested. MVP

Further Reading

Back to Bucket Bros.

© 1999-2007 Bucket Bros., Inc. All rights reserved.